this marks the end of happiness. i was all warm and happy and all of a sudden i'm all empty and not so happy. not happy at all.

i'm kicking myself for being so naive as to think that EW would be single (20 year old ex-child star trying to preserve childlike qualities? would have been raped by now). obviously not. whoa i'm frank today.

(referring to someone as a set of initials and without pronouns is not a good sign.)

also kicking myself for listening to all the sad songs exclusively on the alicia keys album. and man, does she convey that sadness well.

i blame hormones. nothing comes out of biology good. but i like insulin. and glucagon. really do not need diabetes right now.

french happens tomorrow.

even english is sad. we actually had a really good lesson today exploring little red riding hood. we did the traditional story, the politically correct version, and the FREUDIAN version:

can't blame myself for being naive. didn't even know that freud was famous for being obsessed with sex being the cause for everything. wait till you read this - what freudians think the story of LRRH allegorically means:

LRRH represents the girl approaching puberty. (hence the red cap) the wood is the big scary place with lots of bad sexual things. the wolf is the evil beast representing lusty men. he is tempting RRH with pretty, frivolous things (flowers) so he could rape her etc. the woodcutter is the righteous man. his axe is phallic, ie representative of the penis, and he rescues our RRH with his hero tendencies. moral of the story? listen to the mother (be careful she warns LRRH) cos she was the RRH once upon a time. the granny is just part of the good deed of bringing her food.

but the homework was pure evil. it was called 'the werewolf' it starts by setting the scene, in which people are poor, cold and very superstitious. the 'girl' as RRH is called is a toughened, strong thing who uses her father's knive to hack off the wolf's paw. she even wraps it up in a napkin. so when she gets to grandma's, the old woman is in bed with fever. she takes the napkin to cool her down. the paw falls. it's not a paw anymore. it's a hand with a wart on it. her gran's hand. she crosses herself and cries, alerting the village which comes in and kills the grandmother because of the wart - a witch's third nipple. most disturbing thing is, after she dies, the girl stays in her gran's house and 'prospers'. what is that supposed to mean? she takes up the "witchcraft"? she becomes a werewolf as she is the werewolf's blood?

this is horrible.

By now I should know

That in time things would change

So it shouldn't be so bad

So why do I feel so sad

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th since 5th october 2001