i feel faint.

this might have to do with the fact that i did not eat much today. or that i have just sung my lungs out in the shower.

it mostly had to do with them:

ah.

Shawna picked my mum and myself up at 10 am. she had left my address at home and had to go back to get it. she drives a turquoise convertible. fans of Freddy Got Fingered will recognise it. she drives very well. which was just as well, as it took three hours to get there, including a detour to the nearest petrol station, which turned out to be four miles off course. Texas.

SXSW has filled downtown Austin with slim, young men wearing t-shirts, jeans and, in many cases, glasses. this makes things very stressful for the Aqualung fan. we parked five storeys underground in the Hilton. by the time we found Brush Square (tiny bit of grass/dust opposite hotel, which looked prettier on the map) and i peered into the tiny tent at Matt Hales, sat at the real grand piano, Shawna and i had only half an hour left to eat. not that i could - Ben was walking around and Matt had his hands behind his head.

being on the guestlist is awfully nice. especially when it�s your first ever Aqualung gig. first ever gig, in fact. poor Shawna, dragged along by an obsessive fangirl in the name of friendship. �you�re Plus One?� she was asked by the man at the front.

everyone had passes and knew each other. they helped themselves to the t-shirts and drinks (all free, i think).

we hung around awkwardly, trying to find Phil. Ben walked around. i stared and happily, he was smiling in his own world, as promised. feet apart! Matt hid behind the house

i finally found Phil when i saw his face and remembered his photo in Stephen�s RUTH site. (regret not talking his photograph.) khaki shorts on the Man In Black? surely not! �Phil Phil Phil! hi, it�s Lok.� even though it was minutes away from the gig, he found time to chat with me. The Admiral is certainly admirable. as it turns out, he reads the boards very often. knows me, then. and the rest of the board. we discuss cuntzini and luv, caz.

a Radio 2 manager introduced a Radio 2 DJ, who introduced Aqualung,, who did a little ready-steady-go-knee-on-ground thing. he is more strange and more beautiful in the flesh. (sorry.)

we got cokes and happened to be standing next to be bin, next to the makeshift bar, directly in front of the piano stool. everyone else was behind us.

the brothers got on stage to an indifferent audience of industry types - Matt�s t-shirt choice was appropriate, then.

as they played, i could feel vibrations in every hair, the resonance of the contents of my bag, the bumps beneath my feet, my hands - what to do with them? it was a heightened consciousness, but dampened and unlucid. i wanted to close my eyes and watch. i was telling myself, �it�s fucking Matt and Ben!�

in chronological order now, because it�s important:

i�m a bit crap, really.

losing Kim in Dusselldorf:

the delicate balance of listening and watching vs. photo-taking. watching won.

if DC taught me anything, it�s not to use flash. annoying photographers were flashing everywhere. one actually stuck his camera in Matt�s face.

the only flash photo. not coincidentally the best one.

crap vantage point as Matt�s back was to us.

so they all look the same.

except for the very end

when a photographer stood in front of me

so i had an excuse to move a bit.

but not yet.

my fangirl senses picked up on little things that Shawna didn�t notice. like how Matt seemed to glance sideways for fleeting moments...

Matt: i�ve never played in a tent before (i think he said the same thing in the tent in One Big Weekend)

Me (softly): yes, you have

Matt: *holds up hands, looks at Ben. starts singing*

i could have sworn that he sang, �and you�ll realise that you loff me.� perhaps i was hearing things. perhaps he did. he did seem to have paused in emphasis...

last song was Brighter Than Sunshine, �a dumb love song, as all love songs ought to be�. he dedicated it to �everyone in Austin... everyone in the tent...... everyone in the front of the tent.........�

...and i was at the very front! couldn�t stop grinning like a crazy person. tears in my eyes.

Matt can touch his toes very easily.

afterwards, we hung around awkwardly again and waited for Phil while a girl hugged Matt. but let�s get back to how great Phil is. he said that i deserved to be there and something about trying to sneak me into the 21+ gig (which would be impossible and i had to decline anyway). then he introduced me to Ben as �no. 1 fan�. which is nice of him, but as ALAN has taught us: what is the measure of a fan? my top post count only indicates my abundance of time and lack of a life.

i talked to annoyed Ben for ages while he was packing. well, we could have talked really fast. topic included:

-what am i doing in Houston

-i don�t sound Houstonian

-what am i doing, where do i plan to go

-apparently, UT at Austin is the largest university in the world

-they post on the boards, but not Ben, or so he says

-i must not be the biggest fan if i haven�t seen them live before

-the Shepherds Bush Empire disaster

-Never Seen Aqualung Live Club

-factions on the board

-it being mostly friendly

-Fiona and her mum

-the tour diary and how i read it to my mum

-she holds a high opinion of him

-he�s been needing an excuse to stop

-it�s only on day 5

-he will make crap up on the 10 hour flight

-�you will put this on the diary, won�t you?� �Germany?� �oh no, this.� �oh! yes, now. this.�

then tiny Jamie Cullum came and shook Ben�s hand told him how he was a big fan of Aqualung. i didn�t even know what he looked like before Phil told me. admittedly, i�ve seen pictures, but i didn�t expect him to be quite so short, and wearing a t-shirt with rolled up short sleeves.

i saw Phil talk to Matt, who then came over, half reading a piece of paper,

�hello,� he said, �are you known in some parts as Mocha?�

i�m surprised that i didn�t throw up all over him. i don�t even remember what i said. (something about Received Pronunciation?) what he said... next time, i�m sleeping the night before.

so i asked Matt to to sign Aqualung, or Still Life, or Donut, or all three. he had his Special Pen in his bag. (i was worried that he�d leave it in the UK and brought my own Special Pen. but his is better.) i even got to touch it and hand it to Ben.

there was a lot of receiving and giving with both hands and half-bowing. i explained MIGWAB (Ben appreciation collective - Matt Is Great, What About Ben?) to him. he is amazingly modest. �but you deserve fangirls falling at your feet.� �i get paid.� his eyes are weird - perhaps one is higher than the other, or maybe they�re differently shaped. and they may or may not be blue. i didn�t even look at the hair.

oh! the Brothers Hales! so lovely, polite and soft-spoken! they are... smaller than i thought they�d be. Matt�s shoes are so cool. they�re like Converse, but leather! and he wears Lee jeans. Shawna (special thanks!) thought they were cute and that Ben was 23 and Matt was 22.

i am fulfilled and happy. the feeling of: let the plane fall, i don�t care, i�m yours and suddenly you�re mine...

stupidly, i forgot to get a set list and had to go back after everything was finished.

ETA: i am so blas� about this. i suppose the Hales Bros are down to earth and put me at ease. (my fucking dream came true! eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!11 *bounces* there.)

<< �this is a stupid gig.� >>

th since 5th october 2001