after going off to bed triumphant and glorious, i became furiously angry. and then when i heard Another Little Hole, i cried like there's no tomorrow because i will be inevitably separated from the one i love one way or another. (N.B. i do not even have a The One I Love. i have Ones I Love, but we were never together, and therefore already parted.)

i must be menopausal. think of all the money i'd save.

my wise friend chess once said, "you see what you want to see." which is exactly right, as will be up there in the universal truths hall of fame with"everyhtign is realtive". my brain processes everything i see and mangles up the information into one difficult to swallow, hostile lump.

so now i think the world is against me, despite the fact that many things happened today that are actually advantagous to me. i'd like to think that what i think is entirely unrelated to how i feel - that head vs heart crap. i, however, really believe that these are all thoughts in the brain. some are just more subconscious than others. and if you don't know why you think that way, how can you stop it?

one day my brain will start conjuring characters and i will believe that they exist.

fallen, fractured
broken, busted, all for nothing
sing my heart out for a stranger
extra
ordinary
thing

extra ordinary thing, aqualung.

and there i was thinking that it was "extraordinary thing". why don't they just keep words as they are? "goodbye" "thankyou"

now for the banal everyday stuff that i feel compelled to write because i'm convinced that i'll be interested in ten years time:

physics test cancelled. and i revised and i'm probably not going to again. bastards.

took Still Life to school but didn't charge iPod, so couldn't listen to it. did show everyone the album sleeve. surprised that everyone is surprised by the photos of matt's facial features.

"look at those kissable lips!" exclaimed suicide boy.

<< cheer up, it might never happen, oh >>

th since 5th october 2001