(this afternoon) hello again.

okay. if i were really a casual observer, the internet would be great. really fabulous.

�hey, look at that humorous photograph of the donkey in mid-air cos the cart is too heavily loaded!� �yeah, that�s bloody funny, man�

the above was an example of observing that is casual and perfectly suited to the internet.

sometimes there are people you know and you unceremoniously find out things about them through them, but not. in those cases, the internet sucks. in fact i have three words to say to you, internet: too much information.

good thing that my mum sent me out to buy:

bread
ketchup
salad dressing
sun/olive oil - small
5 bananas
12 free-range eggs

if you saw a resigned-looking girl purchasing the fore-mentioned items at around 4:30 pm, it might have been me.

after that, it was 4:45. i had the marvellous idea of buying an espresso shake at the coffee place opposite my coach stop. i thought that even though i had moved on, ash might just get off the coach and we�d talk, like this time last year and the year before. we used to eat overpriced tubs of ben and jerry�s and talk about how great exams were (no work). i remember ash telling me that she wanted to go to some rave in brighton with zach (who shared a coach stop with ticca and has since left the boy school) so she had to organise an elaborately fake sleep-over.

back to my elaborate plan. ash was not gonna come because she was, and is, in spain. at 4:57, a coach zoomed past. then i stayed until 5:05 and left. maybe everyone else (max. 4 people) decided to stay late. the shake was good, though.

feeling just as resigned, i walked back. pretty pink flowers hang over the footpath on my road. they look hibiscus-y with the stigma and all that flower-sex stuff in the middle. in one of them was bumble bee, covered in pollen. how cute, i thought. so i took photos, using the flower button. how thoughtful of the designers, i thought. as i was thinking, i heard this:

dear matthew
i like you a lot
i realise you�re in a relationship with someone right now
and i respect that
i�d like you to know
that if you�re ever single in the future
and you want to
come visit me in california
i could be
open to spending time with you
and finding out how old you were
when you wrote your first song
-alanis morrisette, unsent

told you i was listening to her. i suppose i felt better after walking around for an hour. did a lot of thinking and concluded that i need to talk to somebody. hence the coach plan. i�ve been alone a lot this week so i haven�t been using the tens of thousands of words i need to get through in a day. hence the numerous long entries. i need to spontaneously say things, plan it all in my head before typing and then proof-reading everything.

(this evening) minion sarah to the rescue. non-minion ticca to the rescue.

hm. more stuff happened. check out the guestbook. and ticca�s in this as well. now check out her notes. and everyone�s notes. this is confusing.

(pretty much now) i was really pissed off just now. i thought why the fuck do i have to be calm and objective and everyone else gets to shout and swear and only think about themselves and flame????? OH MY GOD!!!!!!!

and even i�m over that now. which is nice. and oddly, there is no residual resentment. calm is nice. (i wouldn�t have said that half an hour ago.)

if only everyone were like this.

now i�m gonna post this sucker. long day.

<< mini-saga much? >>

th since 5th october 2001