as a general rule, do not listen to aqualung when upset. it has an odd comforting/depressing effect.

this is not the time to wonder why
just let the heart and mind
be still for just some time
this is the time for the rest
just let it go
you know it�s for the best

if you�re fragile
and you�re delicate
take my hand
but be gentle with me please

let the river flow
washing over me
for a while
but be gentle with me please
be gentle with me please

-Gentle

so hear that and you think, �great. this is the time for the rest. yeah.� but then you realise that you cannot take anyone�s hand, because you are not happily married, you are alone and unhappy. then you hear this:

in the end
we let it go away
we let it float away on the breeze
�round the bend
the sun is in the sky
it�s starting to look like it�s gonna be
yeah yeah
it�s gonna be
a bright, beautiful day this is just one of those lonely nights
the good times gonna come

-good times gonna come

and you think, �yes, good times are going to come and it will be sunny and i will be happy.� and then you hear this:

if the chute doesn�t open
if this plan doesn�t work
going down
down
down
down
down
kinda great to know
as i take that step
this is it
my one last chance

and everything�s shattered
everything�s falling apart
i�m lying in tatters
barely at peace in my heart
and nothing else matters

-nothing else matters

so i couldn�t sleep and i had these words floating around in my head, so i got up at 2 am and wrote them down on a piece of manuscript paper left over from my theory days.

i wrote a poem. poetry is fine when it�s in your head but gets scary when you write it down; it�s as though you�re giving people virtual tours of your brain. and that�s odd and not of the normal.

the poem is overtly negative and has nothing to do with why i�m wallowing in sadness (maybe a bit). it�s like prose but each clause gets is own line. i think i might put it up in deviantart and wait for comments.

then i went to bed. ash woke me up and said she would go shopping with me, so we went. i bought some stuff for my form teacher, some stuff for my RS teacher and some stuff for me. should have bought one of those phoebe-esque necklaces with the big pendant, though. Monsoon is now my favourite shop although i can�t afford anything in it. still, the tops are pretty. no wait, Zara is.

ash and i are both stingy people. we shop well together.

yvonne�s gone to guilford or wherever she�s going now. it (i�m tempted to say �parting�) was sort of unceremonious with me running out of the house, half-waving and already late. sweet sorrow my arse. wait till tomorrow.

<< "but be gentle with me please." >>

th since 5th october 2001