i went and downloaded the sheet music of the piano accompaniment to �just for a moment� from pianorock.com. they have chords for �strange and beautiful� and �everything changed� as well, but those just confuse me. the music looks really easy as well, but i can�t play it. this is the second time that i�ve regretted quitting piano lessons twice. the first time was in music where everyone but mads and i could play the piano, so we were branded as musical idiots. i hated music.

i�ve attempted the piano play twice in my life. one was when i was about 6, and i went to my neighbours flat to learn every week. the teacher gave me an A4 manuscript book and made me draw pages of crotchets and minims every week. for homework. i had to practice in a shitty piano place in the shopping centre downstairs, which was full of shitty pianos. so i didn�t practice. and my teacher told me off.

being the spoilt, non-shit-taking self i was back in the day, i snapped my fingers and quit. my teacher said it was a shame because i was a natural, blah blah blah bullshit cakes. i said that she was an unimaginative tyrant who made me play crotchets on middle C with my thumbs in the time signature of 4 4.

the second time, my teacher was my friend�s mum, who was the nicest person in the world. she said i had natural ability and good fingers (i have fleshy finger tips, so my nails don�t make clacky noises on the keys). but still, i had nowhere to practice, except my friend�s house, where i practice before every lesson. turns out, all that pent-up negative energy must have made her ill, so no more piano lessons for me.

so, i spent all afternoon putting words to 2/3 of the sheet music. then i decided to to practice my cello. it was the first time in about 3 months, so i�m aching all over. the fingers on my left hand are beginning to blister as i type and my shoulders, arms etc. hurt. i stabbed my left foot with the end pin. it also has cramp, as i had been tapping out the rhythm of �just for a moment� -- time signature 6 8, one crotchet = 98. why did i have to tap all 6 quavers and not 3 crotchets or even 2 dotted crotchets? oh, yeah, cos i don�t cope well with dotted rhythms. i have been sitting on said foot, so it now has cramp and pins and needles.

i can�t play �the swan� anymore. sucks.

i�m going to cello tomorrow, which is just weird, because my cello teacher thinks i have no intention of playing it ever again. just because i�ve only gone to one lesson this term (this being the end of term).

and i want to take up singing and guitar. and piano. you get people who learn the piano for their personal enjoyment and stuff, and you get me, who just wants to play aqualung. if you can�t have matt hales, be matt hales. sounds twisted and creepy.

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th since 5th october 2001