How did those people survive secondary education? Sometimes I think that highschool suiciders are the only sane ones left in the world. Alas, they're not left - they're dead. Here's a little play for you and your friends to act out:

Period 1

English teacher: Tone analysis! Here, this passage says that Hobbits are cute.

Me: (Yay!)

English teacher: Now do all these other ones. Three columns: words, tones and diddles.

Everyone else: *knods knowingly*

English teacher: No talking! Plagarists get a talk with me and a sizable grade reduction.

My head: *scared* You have to get out of here.

Period 2

Latin teacher: My Villa posters in for next monday. This is John's. Look how beautiful it is? He does fabulous things and surprises us all! [She actually said 'fabulous'.]

Me: (Unimaginative boff. Must beat him.)

Everyone else: OMG! Which John? Has he graduated? OMG!

Latin teacher: John is, in fact, God of art!!

Me: (Must beat him.)

Everyone else: *in awe of Art God John*

Period 3

Me: *doing different work to everyone else* Why isn't there a decent picture of the Alhambra?

Everyone else: *tries to write 1/8" high capital letters.*

Me: Mental note: must practice writing.

Architectural Graphics teacher: Sweetie, although you are in the drafting class now, you're way ahead in Arhcitectural Graphics work! I'll talk to your counselor.

Me: *loffs*

Period 4

Government teacher: Yes, the People's Republic of China isn't a republic, it's an oligarchy. Ooh, Lok Hin, this pass says to see your counselor at the end of the period.

Me: (She said 'Hin'!) *loffs*

Lunch

Counselor: Can you come back after you've eaten?

Me: *goes away*

SB: *bunks to have early lunch* I love my new t-shirt!

Me: Latin 3 loves you.

SB: Heh?

Me: OMG Joe Cheng.

Demi: *can speak cantonese* Who?

Me: Tseng Yuen Cheung!

Demi: Everyone loves him, haha!

Me: You've heard of him! *dances*

Me: *goes back to counselor* Hello?

Counselor: *eats lunch* We're gonna have to sit down and have a proper talk tomorrow. The only way it can work is if you take Government K.

Me: (WHATTHEFUCK?) But... I need Government AP! I'm taking dual credit. I'm paying for the college hours tomorrow.

Counselor: Well... bye!

Attendance lady: Oh, you're not showing up in the French attendance list because your counselor didn't put you in right. Go see her.

Me: HAHAHAHAHAHA... no.

Advisory

Me: My schedule sucks!

Government Teacher: Your college credit takes precedence. They should kick other kids out of Calculus for you because you're better!

Me: *loffs*

SB: Cards are fun!

Everyone: Why are you here? Go to lunch!

Period 5

Me: OMG, I've forgotten everything I've learnt in Pre-Calculus.

Beau: So easy! I want to move to BC!

Me: *leaves 15 minutes early*

Bus

Me: *whines loudly* ...and what do they mean by diddles anyway?

Juniors: You mean DIDLS - Diction, Imagery, Details, Language, Syntax? Don't you know? We just did it in English. *explains*

Period 6

Me: Nous sommes trop t�t et mon horaire suuc!

Le Prof: "suuc?"

Me: Sucks. *forgets about existence of le mot: 'pas'*

Bus home

Children: *shouts* *fights* *grows up to go on Jerry Springer*

Me: *reads about conformist rhinoceri* ...cooling all the blood to slush, congeals around again, ohhhh la la la la la la la...

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th since 5th october 2001