13.12.2003 ~ 4:20 pm
i try to think, i try to accumulate and organise thoughts and all i acheive is confusion.
all i can ever know is that i don't know. which, i suppose, is better than knowing that i know, because i don't.
what i'm scared of is that i'll never understand. i'll be dying and i won't understand. that's horrible. and i don't think that if there is an afterlife, where suddenly everything would be revealed and every dead person will know everything. they won't be people, anyway.
it's a nice thought, but i think it's just as likely that you die, your brain stops and your body decays. that's it. even the things you think you know will decay with you. in fact, if they're not written down or passed on in some way, they dissappear the moment you cease to exist.
i read a lot of HP fanfic last night. there was a very short one about Sirius' death (if anyone doesn't know by now, they deserve to be spoilt). as he fell, he recalled how James said that it's not the fall that kills you, it's the sudden stop. but while he was falling into the bottomless pit, he began to loose this thoughts, his feelings and how can one exist without such things? keeping braindead people alive is absolute bullshit, but you can never be sure...
i don't know, i don't know, i don't know, i don't i don't know.
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