really odd day. i would have said that i was an overall good day just a moment ago, but my dad just came in to ask if i was going shopping with them. i said no so he asked me if i was having a bad day and i snapped, "NO! I AM NOT HAVING A BAD DAY. I WAS HAVING A GOOD DAY..." and then i shut up. now it feels like a bad day.

today's been happy, sad, happy and now sad. happy coincided with awake and sad coincides with asleep or dazed. a lot of dazed today. and i was saying yesterday how it's shit to be sad, but i lack the self-control to change that. or i'm too lazy and tired.

i feel a bit shit. if you're gonna be bitchy, go the whole selfish way. don't stop in the middle and feel remorse, cos that wastes time and energy. for fuck's sake. and you can go buy the wig tomorrow, when you've done those tests.

i have to talk to myself, you see. otherwise, i'd go insane. fucker.

the medication i took dries out my mouth. tastes as if a weasel died there and i can't wash dead-weasel out. and i took a strepsil before lunch so i couldn't taste anything. coupled with the fact that i was not awake, i drank chocolate milk for lunch. i had food in front of me, but i poked at it rather than ingesting it. not too hungry now. should wait till dinner.

maybe i'll muster enough strength read some history, eh?

what has my life become?

ETA 4:30: i'm kinda happy again. listening to brighter than sunshine. there's a sense of awe about it. which is rubbing off on me. i also found an interview with matt on the site. members only. i feel a bit loved, really. and he has this t-shirt which says "this is rude" on it. which is quite amusing, i think. don't worry about me. i'll just ride this out.............

nothing better than singing really loudly in an empty, echo-y house with headphones on.

<< bitches should not feel guilt. >>

th since 5th october 2001